Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
