I think I won the penis lottery.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
