its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
