I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
