I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
