hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
