Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
