I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
