I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
