I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
