she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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