Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
