Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
