my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
