You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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