Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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