sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
