The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
