So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
