I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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