No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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