Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
