This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
