At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
