i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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