I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
