u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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