Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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