did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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