He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
