If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
