We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
