In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
