I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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