haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
