He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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