Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
