yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
