even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
