There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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