thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
