Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
