There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
