Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
