I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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