so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
