i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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