There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
