we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My vagina is very pro this idea
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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