Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
