You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
