The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
