Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
