remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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