I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
