my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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