i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
