I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
