I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
