I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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