We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
