I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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