I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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