And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
